Woohoo/Boohoo: Popery vs. Potpourri March 2, 2010

The Peak does a section on page 3 that pits two often similar sounding things against each other. I did this one. It’s fairly self explanatory.

Woohoo: Potpourri

Want to know the secret of success? Smell goddamn delicious. I have it on good authority that JFK smelled of fresh lavender at all times, and everybody loves that dude. Potpourri is that dried leaf type stuff you find in the bathrooms of suburban 40-somethings, and it’s one of only two things that particular demographic gets right (along with listening to Fleetwood Mac). Potpourri is like Armani for your WC. It adds instant class and respectability to a place that at times sorely lacks either. Great for hobbyists and professionals alike, potpourri is the original populist accoutrement with most of it’s ingredients cribbed from around the house. Listen to The Cure? Throw some cloves in there. Alcoholic? Lemon peel! Japanese? Toss in some jasmine. The choices are as endless as the addiction you’ll quickly acquire. Hitting the vein has never been this fragrant.

Boohoo: Popery

The best advice my father ever told me was to never trust men in large hats. It seems like every good religion has it’s own fashion agenda. What is he hiding? Popery is like having a dictatorship on top of your dictatorship, with it’s own cardio-based rituals, taxes and social guilt. That collection plate doesn’t take PayPal either. Now, I will grant that the Pope is by far the most entertaining part of Catholicism; Did you know that one Pope dug his predecessor up from the grave and put him on trial? An actual trial, with the skeleton on the witness stand and everything. Forget The Tudors, I want to see The Pontiffs. And what’s all this about infallibility? He’s just some dude like me! I’m infallible hundreds of times a day, and more on weekends and religious holidays. It’s got me thinking about giving up the Pope for Lent. I like my religions how I like my women: decentralized and sporting modest headgear.

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